Why Knives Is Evil: A Hypothesis by Yuffie007
by Yuffie007
Summary: Whoo. So one day, I was just sittin' aroOund wonderin' why Knives is so evil. Deh result of mah thinkin is this..*Points to Fic* Jes. R+R pleeze, flames welcome..MSTz too, whatevah floats yer boat. Jus remembah, I ment this all in goot jest. ^_~ thnxRG!!


1 Why Knives Is Evil: A Hypothesis by Yuffie007  
  
All right, People. Here's deh lowdown. If ju haven't seen up to Episode 17, then I HIGHLEH suggest ju turn yer fanfic readin' fanneh aroOund, cuz this has some major spoilers.  
  
Howevah, if ju wanna beh spoiled and have things yer way, then please proceed!  
  
[Note from author: Mah weird slang is sprinkled thruoOut, so if ya' have a hard time readin' it..then try sayin' it aloud, it might make more sense that way. ^^ Also, Knives and Vash are chibi (small) thruoOut this whole fic]  
  
That's all for now!  
  
Love and Peace,  
  
Yuffie007  
  
  
  
  
  
Scenario I. Neglect  
  
Rem: Sound liiiiife..*brushes Vash's hair so it sticks  
  
up* Soo..la-la-la-la-la-la-laaa..  
  
  
  
Vash: Gyah! It's stickin up!  
  
  
  
Rem: Kee-hee! You're so silleh. 'Course it is! It's just like Alex's  
  
was..*goes into long speech*  
  
  
  
Knives: *Stands in doorway, narrows eyes* So..I see  
  
how eet is now. *Fluffs dress* And to think I was  
  
going to show that skank mah new wardrobe. I think  
  
she's trying to steal mah brother from meh.  
  
Hmm..*Clentches fist* I'll show her. *Prances off*  
  
  
  
1.1 Scenario II. Child Abuse  
  
MeanGuy: --Note, Author forgot his name..^^;))  
  
-drunk- I'll teach ya' smeggin' chibi kids..*punches  
  
Knives*  
  
  
  
Knives: Ugh! *Falls back against wall* Ju b-bastard..I  
  
wish I could kill all of ju ryte here and now..  
  
  
  
MG: Oh yeahhh?! *Takes a drink from his endless bottle  
  
of alkehol* Killll meh? HWA HWA HWAAA..I dun think so,  
  
chibi Knives-thing...  
  
AHAHdsaDaDKJaslkDJAWAHAHdasdhak  
  
JSjkOAOSNXZAWORIAOPSJDOSADA *Spazm, kix Knives*  
  
  
  
Knives: @_@;; *Curls up in a ball* Scareh freak..  
  
  
  
  
  
1.2 Scenario III. The Name Game  
  
Rem: *Looks at tineh chibi 4yr old Vash and tineh  
  
Knives lovingleh* I wonder what I should name  
  
them..hmm. For now I'll call ju NoName#1 and  
  
NoName#2..  
  
  
  
NoName#1: *Gets into Rem's purse, flings moneh  
  
everywhere* Hehehehe!! Monehhh! Hehehehe!!  
  
  
  
Rem: *Picks him up, hands him a donut* Aw! I think  
  
I'll call ju 'Vash'..cuz it rhymes wit 'Cash' which ju  
  
have strewn all ovah mah cabin in a kawaii manner ^o^  
  
  
  
NoName#2: *Goes to da kitchen* : O  
  
  
  
Rem: NoName#2! Come back here! *Follows*  
  
  
  
NoName#2: *Takes oOut millions of knives* Khee' Khee'  
  
Khee'!  
  
I'll Kheeeee ju all!! *Holds knives and slices @ deh  
  
air violentleh*  
  
  
  
Rem: AGH, Millions of Knives! AHH!! PUT EM AWAY!! LOVE AND  
  
PEACE!! *Wrestles NoName#2 to deh ground*  
  
Heeeyyyy..I jus thought of a name for ju! ^o^  
  
  
  
[From that day forward Millions Knives was PO'ed cuz  
  
he got a funkeh name. He was also maybeh emotionalleh  
  
scarred..some may argue that he has a "kewl kickarse  
  
name" but that is for ju and ju alone to decide]  
  
  
  
  
  
Scenario IV. Deh Cannibles! DEH CANNIBLES WILL EAT  
  
MEH!!  
  
  
  
Rem: *Watches Silence of the Lambs wit Vash and  
  
Knives*  
  
Ooh, dun look. That nasteh man is eating their skin!  
  
*Covers Vash and Knives' eyes*  
  
Vash: *Doesn't look* ^^  
  
  
  
Knives: *Peeks* o_o...0_0'!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
[Later]  
  
  
  
Knives: *Lies under apple tree* Vash, do ju think..  
  
  
  
Vash: What is it, Knives?  
  
  
  
Knives: Do ju think someday..I'll be eaten? *Reaches  
  
up toward the apples*  
  
  
  
Vash: Ha-ha-ha! What a silleh question! Of course not!  
  
At least..Rem doesn't think so. And I don't think so  
  
either!  
  
You know what Rem says, she says that plants are so  
  
strong, they don't need to speak. They focus all their  
  
energy on growing stronger and healthier. Ju can jus  
  
feel deh life in dis simulated-earth-type-room, can't  
  
ju? I dun think you'll beh eaten. You're too strong.  
  
^_^  
  
  
  
Apple: *Falls from tree*  
  
  
  
Knives: *Watches it* Hmm  
  
..o 0 {I must kill them all before they kill meh and  
  
try to eat meh flesh and meh eyes and meh bones and  
  
meh gooey, gooey, creme filled center} =9 Mm, creme  
  
filled..  
  
  
  
Vash: Knives?  
  
  
  
Knives: Eh? *glances ovah at Vash who is looking  
  
concerned* What is it?  
  
  
  
Vash: Nothing..It just..it just looked like ju were  
  
thinking eeeeeevil maniacal thoughts that will someday  
  
cause meh great pain and misfortune..  
  
  
  
Knives: ^^;; Eh-he-he-he! Nah. I was jus thinkin  
  
aboOut how goot it is to beh alive. Oi. *Stands* I  
  
could go for some Hostess Cupcakes ryte aboOut now,  
  
what aboOut ju?  
  
  
  
Vash: YAY!! HOSTESS!! *runs to door*  
  
  
  
[Later @ night]  
  
  
  
Rem: *Tucks them into their bunk beds aftah kissin  
  
them gootnight* ^-^ Night-Night now!  
  
  
  
Vash: G'night! Sweet dre--*Conks  
  
oOut*ZZZZZZZzzzzzZZZZZ  
  
  
  
Knives: ~Whispers~ Rem..  
  
  
  
Rem: ~Whispers~ Jes, Knives?  
  
  
  
Knives: ~Whispers~ Can ju check for cannibles undah  
  
mah bed?  
  
  
  
Rem: *Giggles and sits next to him* Silleh, Knives.  
  
There aren't any cannibles! There's jus some spacedust  
  
and maybeh deh occasional Kureneko-sama..but no  
  
cannibles ^.^'  
  
  
  
Knives: A-are ju sure?  
  
  
  
Rem: Jes. I'm sure. Trust meh. *Stands and turns on  
  
light in their closet* That'll keep deh cannibles  
  
away. G'night now, Knives.  
  
  
  
Knives: G'night..*turns on side to go to sleep as Rem  
  
closes da door*  
  
  
  
LightInCloset: *Burns oOut*  
  
  
  
Kureneko-sama: --Undah Bed)) Nya.  
  
  
  
Knives: *Eyes widen in da dark* 0_0!!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
Scenario V. Too Maneh Video Games, Not Enuff O' Rem's  
  
Teachings  
  
  
  
[In Game Room]  
  
  
  
Knives: =9 *Plays FF7* C'mon..C'mon..Level up,  
  
Aerith!!  
  
  
  
Vash: *Pokes head into room* Knives, Rem says it's  
  
time for lunch!  
  
  
  
Knives: Yeah..in a sec...NOOOOOOO!!! I DIED!! AHHHH!!  
  
T_T *restarts game*  
  
  
  
Vash: Uh, Knives?  
  
  
  
Knives: Yeah...in a sec....*plays*  
  
=9 I can do this..I can do this..  
  
  
  
Vash: Knives, she sez it's time to eat NOW.  
  
  
  
Knives: In..a...sec..(victoreh moozika plays) JES!!!!  
  
I BEAT DEH SYSTEM!!  
  
  
  
Vash: *Shrugs, goes*  
  
  
  
[15 hours later]  
  
  
  
Vash: *Runs in* Heeey, Knives! Still playin da game? I  
  
learned SOOOO much from Rem today aboOut Love and  
  
Peace and Alex and all her non-violent-type-teachings!  
  
^o^ There's always an alternative!  
  
  
  
Knives: --has dark circles undah eyes) Yeah. Goot.  
  
*Kills a few thingies on da screen as victoreh moozika plays*  
  
Jes...sweet, sweet, death and victoreh. Heh. Heh. Heh.  
  
: )  
  
  
  
  
  
This Concludes Yuffie007's Hypothesis of Eeeeeevil.  
  
Pick any scenario ju want, they all end deh same.  
  
Knives turned oOut a mean lil' punk. .  
  
So if ju see any misguided kids today, beh sure to  
  
push them on deh right path toward Love and Peace. ^.~  
  
Also, FF7 did not in ANEH way help Knives learn to  
  
kill thingies. He jus' OD'ed on deh game. That's  
  
all..pure and simple. :D Okiedai? 


End file.
